The Med War

I HATE taking meds!!! Can I just say that? :) 
Here is my attitude on medication for mental illness...
Depending on the individual and the severity of the illness, it could be necessary to be on certain meds. I know some people who will probably need to be on medication for the rest of their lives. I think that is ok! It is better to be mentally happy on medication than it is to be "clean" and crazy. :) 
I have been on different medicines throughout my life. I hate the side effects though. On most things I have tried I have felt numb; dead emotionally. It took a lot of energy to feel anything. And although I hate my depression, I love being the heart-felt person that I am at my core. And when I have decided that I am done with certain meds, I have gone cold turkey (a HUGE no-no) at times and have weened myself off at other times. I have also used different methods of managing my emotional state. Mostly being careful of my what obligations or things I let into my life.
In the past I have been one of those people that have gone above and beyond when helping others. I remember helping a woman that had been in a car accident. At first I felt happy and grateful to be helping. But then after a few weeks, she became someone that took advantage of me. I was driving 80 minutes in the morning to pick up her 3 kids (I had my 4 with me) and then watching them for about 8 hours a day. Then I would cook her dinner and driving another 80 minutes to take them home. 5 days a week. Her attitude changed as I served her family. She expected me to do what I was doing. Even going so far as to criticize some of the meals I had cooked.
After a mini break down and a household that was falling apart (not to mention my kids and their sadness), I said no.
I have had friends that only called me when they needed something and friends that wanted me to always watch their children. Finally the dam broke! "No" became my favorite word. And you know what? I needed to learn it! The problem was that I had the pendulum effect. I went from one extreme to the other. No happy medium.
Now, my first reaction is to say no, but I have learned to pause and evaluate what I can or can not handle at the moment. Hopefully I am reaching the happy medium - filling my emotional needs and feeling the joy of helping others.
As for meds and what needs to happen for me...  I am not sure. I will share my recent medication situation in my next post. But I am thinking of trying some herbal and more holistic solutions to my mental state. That might be a fun thing to embark on. I will keep you posted on what I try and the results. Maybe I can find a natural way to balance myself out. That would be nice. :)